Painfully Waiting

The following is an excerpt of an email that my wife Andrea sent to an expecting (adoptive) mom to help her deal with a key pain factor of international adoption – WAITING. I believe this email is relevant to all of us who are WAITING for anything in one way, shape or form. More specifically this mom is waiting for notification of a court date that will ultimately finalize her child’s adoption from the foreign country’s perspective (this is a big deal!). For those of you who have never experienced a situation like this or for those dads out there who, like me, are not totally in touch with the emotions of a passionately expecting mom; imagine this situation more like this:

Your wife has given birth!  After cutting the umbilical cord the nurse takes a quick picture of the baby and hands it to you and your wife along with some very basic/cryptic medical results. They are taking YOUR child (over 7000 miles) away from you to a third world country while they finalize some paperwork through the government system. As the nurse hustles out of the room she lets you know that you’ll be contacted at some point (“don’t call us, we’ll call you” she shouts) once they’ve completed their “process”. Then you can get on a plane and travel around the world to finally embrace your child in your arms.

That’s literally what this expecting adoptive mom is feeling – this maybe what your wife, friend, daughter or sister is feeling.

I hope Andrea's response will comfort you in your 'WAITING' as much as it did this expecting mom.  Here is Andrea’s response:

I remember feeling the SAME feelings you have right now, and nothing really helped- until one day Pete talked to me about something that actually made me feel better. Not sure if it will work for you, but here goes:

He first wanted to make sure that I agreed that God was in control, which I did. I told him in my mind it made sense, but my mommy heart could not accept it- I NEEDED TO BE WITH HER, and that was all there was to it. He then asked me if I thought God would take us through this whole journey, up to that point, and then leave us hanging. This one I felt a little more, and said no I did not think God would abandon us. He then pointed out that God has reasons for everything He does, even the time that I had to wait and could not be with Gigi. I could not accept that she would ever be better off without me, her momma, and that was that, so he needed to explain further.

So......Pete described how he had this very strong feeling that God needed Gigi to be there (i.e. in Ethiopia) during that time, he ached for her to come home too, but somehow God had laid it on his heart that it was meant to be. He said it was like Gigi will have a story one day, she will become the person and woman God intended her to be, and the time she is in Ethiopia is part of her story and is building her to be the person she will become. He described how those few months in the transitional orphanage was the only time she would ever have in her childhood in HER NATIVE country. He said, "Allow her to see the Ethiopian faces, to connect with them, to hear the language, to recognize it, and to smell the smells, and embrace them."

WOW, that made sense!!! A mommy always wants to protect and be with her child, but I knew that that time she was there was VERY, VERY special to her and would make her the Ethiopian/American person she would become. To this day, there are characteristics in her that I KNOW were formed from her time there. The times she is so willing to be patient, or the times she shows her fighting spirit, or the times she says things that we swear have an accent to them, reminiscent of her native language. I hope this helps in some way......I do know the mommy pain, and it will not go away, until that day she is placed into your arms, but maybe you can view this time or appreciate it an a new way- one that makes sense for your daughter.

Prayers with you today and for that court date!